Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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