Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
