get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize