Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
