remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
