you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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