They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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