can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
