we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
