I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
