I cockslap morals
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize