Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
