my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
