Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
