It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
