swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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