you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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