I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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