This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
