hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
