there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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