she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
