all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
