He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
