trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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