alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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