Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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