like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
