I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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