So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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