If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
