its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
pop tarts are not kleenex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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