Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
