He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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