I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
