Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
