Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
