I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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