take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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