Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
