a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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