Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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