yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
