As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
