I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
