My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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