i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
