I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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