your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
