i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
