I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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