I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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