also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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