This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
