Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
