Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
