There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
