What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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