I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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