She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
