I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
As shirtless as possible
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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