In the future we'll all be gay
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
