I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
