I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
