Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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